p.s quit acting so cavalier. we're not good

pps. i can't wait for your ps.

pursuit of...huh?

i'm done with the chase. all of you.

talk is cheap, and actions speak FAR louder with words

if you mean what you say,

i'm here. come find me. i'll be the boy sitting on the bench minding my own business.

Silent Nights?

more like sleepless nights.

sleepless nights are my favorites. I get to not sleep (it's only finals week...not important), and while i'm not sleeping, i get to lay there and think.

fun stuff all around

oh wasit.

somebody talk me down. i'm at the edge and ready to fall.

a Shameless Plug

http://consortwithyourfellows.blogspot.com/

<3

-Joseph Harred

"I'm Sorry"

I'M SICK OF FUCKING HEARING IT.

STOP

only because at this point, it's a cop out and insincere. quit saying it until you mean it.

ya, i mean YOU. and YOU. and YOU

Rough Night

oh well. who cares

Don't Let Me Go

tonight seems like a good night to blog. to reminisce. to remember

on a scale of 1-10:

wed: 9/10

i thought i missed you guys. but tonight you truly made me realize what you guys have done for me. you all redefined "treasured" in my heart. its good to have you all home.

(Dennys round 1: Hipolito owned joseph harred. with syrup. and we allowed the drunken meathead to scam on those poor girls behind us. we probably shouldve done something. oh well)

(1/1)

thurs:4/10

my family is kind of a joke. the food...mediocre at best. plus i burned the shit out of my mouth. never fun. but hey, you cant completely discount a night in which you play basketball with charlie and jenny sevy, and then be welcomed into their humble abode. i cant complain.

(Dennys round 2: oh hey man whats up. i made out with your sister. whoops)

(1/2)

fri:7/10

so i guess i bro'd out today. skappity skap then rageity rage. tonight was fun. meeting new people is fun. dont be surprised, socialize. Blackout Friday.

(Kettle Round 1: me, joseph, and ryan hadley gettin' shit done. and all at the low low price of $13.95. good shit boys, good shit)

(1.5/4)

sat: 5/10

well fuck. today couldve been better. not only did i wake up at 7:30 hungover only 4 hours after our late night, but i awoke to see my car trashed by a bunch of assholes. thank you to whoever was bored enough to go mess with my vehicle, and say things that lost my respect all at the same time. i send my most royal "Fuck You" to you, sir. needless to say, father was a bit upset when i showed up late to his baptism because SOMEBODY'S car was un-drivable and needed washing... great.

but then we folfed.

and then i saw things i never thought i'd ever be subjected to seeing: oh my god oh my god oh my GOD. you are disgusting. i cannot even look at you anymore. you are not related to me. get the fuck out. ohmygod.

(Kettle round 2: occurred before the spon-rage-ous events at casa de myles...therefore it is irrelevant)

(1.5/5)

sun: 6/10

today was well... long forthcoming i suppose. i dreaded today for multiple reasons, many of which weren't realized until the later hours.

bong cleaning, tomboys, dee-yon, dinobuttfuck, in n out, michaels, gasoline, team dheh, bedroom, "what happened last night", goodbye.

..........................................................goodbye. that could've been handled better. i'm sure of it. oh well. we'll get through it.

and then i walked. and then i talked. and then i walked some more. alot more. and then i realized the beauties and dangers of self-reflection (and singing like nobody can hear you when they actually can..)

(2/6)

i think i am in love with a man. and that man is Max Bemis. he basically ear-fucks me whenever im feeling especially angsty.

and i love it

oh and dear college folk:

GET

THE

FUCK

HOME!!!!!

Every Man Has a...well.. something

sometimes. i just wish i could just write songs. things would be so much easier. but regardless of what you say, not everybody can. i am one of those cursed with this inability. i'd trade anything in the world for it. well. almost anything.

blogs are stupid. how hypocritical of me right?

oh well. since when have i ever cared about what people think of me? oh wait. hypocrisy wins again

i am in love with your writing. i dont know why either. maybe its the honesty behind it? thatd make it the same reason my eyes are always drawn to yours.

(why would you write something- especially something like that- then delete and deny? its an oft-used movie line on my repertoire at this point, but people dont forget. and when you meet somebody like me.. somebody who REDEFINES stubborn... thats not leaving this memory bank anytime soon.)

i miss it. so much. i want to cry sometimes. i feel like i literally watched the last 2 years of my life on this fucking laptop. and you said it best. theres an enormous void. and i feel so

empty.

its good to know that i can share this pathetic trait of being trapped in high school with somebody else. even if you are..well... still trapped in high school. literally.

(this is the part where i apologize to my readers {how pretentious! my god!} for this inexcusable attempt at writing and creativity. for those of you that i bore easily, i recommend stumbleupon.com (jesus what a shameless plug..). it helps i swear. for those who ridicule and hate this "blog"...then dont fucking read it. for those of you who might..actually...legitimately like this.....your fucked. and maybe sick in the head. but youre forgiven. because whos to say that everything is in working order between my ears?

sometimes. i aim to disappoint.

but most of the time, i just care too much.

Oh, and You too:

Dear You,

i hope you're happy. or at least on the right track. people are shitty. People dont understand the consequences of their actions. I'm one to talk..right? He's not worth it. i promise. time to let it go. time to be FREE, be HAPPY.

and i know things grow rougher when day turns to night.

i wish i had the answer. but hell, i bet you do too.

im here though. whenever you need it. day night drunk or sober

Life can be good, you just have to realize it.

because god knows i love that smile of yours

(no matter how brace-y it is)

Dear You,

hi.

regardless of what you'd like to believe, i am still here.

you cant ignore me. i wont be shooed away that easily.

i know you're busy, but, aren't we all?

HELLO! HI! YES...YOU!

this is directed at YOU.

so,

if you've moved on.

let me know

.........because...

i HAVEN'T

and i refuse to live in an alternate life that only exists to make me happy

i'm STILL AROUND

DEAL

btw. i miss you. i guess more then anything this is a cry for attention. i've gotten more letters from your roommate then from you.

it's 1:11

can i still make a wish?

that green gentleman

things are changing.

i needed that.

hello/goodbye

hello...to someone hopefully more well rounded, a little less obsessed you might say

goodbye to whoever that was.

everything that people have been saying regarding "that"...

...finally hit me. along with a few other things. but now i start listening. and changing. and doing what i say im gonna do.

heres to now, and whatever comes after

permanent jetlag

to whomever it may concern,

i am in a state of constant confliction.

I want this. somebody wants that. (dont read that as if its only one person, because its several)

and in order to keep that person or thing around, i-unfortunately- appease them

i want this. she wants that

i want her. nothing.

i want her. complication. on top of nothing.

i want to sleep, more then anything.

BUT I CAN’T

my life is here now. nothing can change that

if home is where the heart is, then we’re all just fucked

please call me only if you are coming home

lets get fucked up and die

its not your fault, your just far away

hey love

thats the best anyone can do

i dont think you want to know

why do you ask

i cant decide if i hate you, or if you are the most beautiful person ive ever met

you always just acted like you hated me

always and forever

and all i can think of is the way im the one who charmed the one

who gave up on you

walking out on the show, is walking out on you

i wanted to come home and kiss you

ive got troubled thoughts and the self esteem to match

We’ll be together against this, we’ll be forever against this

what a catch

we dont suck. we dont suck

you suck

are you out there?

can i call you tonight?

2 more weeks, my foot is in the door

you have nothing to worry about, dear

i avoid you to get bye,

but i come to you at the same time

i must confess

im in love with my own sins

Lets Get Fucked Up and Die

LGFUAD

i know its a motion city soundtrack song. and im not particularly a fan of their music

but ive been wanting to get this tattooed somewhere

because recently, its all ive been wanting to do.

but notice

the “Lets”

implies that im not alone

again, conflicting

fin

ps.

people only write blogs so that people can read what they write.

im just acknowledging that, not justifying or disproving or anything of the sort. just acknowledging

my emotions and feelings

got owned.

and this sucks. alot.

I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a nervous wreck I'm a n-n-nervous wreck(I'm a nervous wreck)I'm a nervous wreck(Oh hell yes)

Numb

why does this happen.

i feel numb.

there's nothing else really to say.

sorry to waste your time

sincerely,

jack

Quality

hello again.

Weekend Recap:

THURSDAY:

ditch math

come home early

CJ's with the Dheh

Prank Night with Leo!!

fersure

light bar

Rob Duff

shit got real with 3 drive bys

FRIDAY:

drumdrumdrumdrumdrum

Pick Up Sticks with the gang

cameo by matt schwartz

Venice Beach

fuckin taco wagon...so good...barely worth it

Score: new vintage cardigan. ma new fav'

drive home

drive YOU home

fightfightfightfightfight

parting shot

slam door. classy.

Sanders b-day rager

talk it out, (friends are good)

new friends swing by

sale

sure you can wear my cardigan, but only because you showed up 3 hours late and youve been nothing but an angel since youve arrived.

(oh wait..)

give it back

cuddle cuddle

hey remember that one night in january?

dumb.

bro i need to be home

shit. aight

wait can i come back? chill. hold on

$200

dude, im serious. dont tell anybody.

hahaha. oh god. haha

hey we're back

sittin' round the fire. love this

Happy Birthday. lets do this again soon. please

SATURDAY:

wake up

dude i'll be right there.

shower

*ring ring*

nothing

bummer

ya dude, i'll be down there in a bit

yes, i can give you a ride...

fuck. i'll be right there

yes, i'll get a job

no not this weekend

yes

broke. fuck

money, yay

shit ya i'll be right there.

come outside

call him. i keep saying im almost there

dude, im here

HOMETOWN FAIR

6 dollars

lunch: ribs ribs ribs

fer SURE

brainstew. called it. damn you to hell, sir

strangebrew

3rd place. legit

Rock Nation

so not legit. barf

jamba

oh AWKWARD. tsssssshhhhhhh AHHHHHHHHHHHHH...

dining room club

ya, i'll take you home

talk talk talk

ya, i know theres 3 of them

check you later

come back

get lost

leave

naw dude fuck sushi

oh hey. funny seeing you again

text.

green sauce. not down.

split. hell ya

pick up wood

green...down

play structure, valley park. so Hb

febreeze

juli you down? no? aight

Sanders fire circle part 2

McD's

mike+aidz...haha

blegh...SMOKEY

Dhehs house

Rich!

home. byee

SUNDAY:

wake up laaaate

HOMETOWN FAIR

matthew!!!!!!!!

and hottie RO friend WHATUP

people people and MORE PEOPLE

tri tip, kettle corn...huge bag. funnel cake

k we gottago

im serious we gotta go

hollywoooooooood

dude were gonna be late

90 minutes later...fml

yep heres my $15 ticket

walk in

last song....seriously?!?

great

bro! we should catch up.

you have time?

backstage!

talk it out.

ya dude. i know

miss you bud

"i like talking to you"

dude! we'll visit soon fersure

yo. im home

movie? down

you want rollerblades or gore?

ellen page or emma stone?

hmmm

oh. dude. Woody Harrelson

tiebreaker

starring: michael moskewicz

funny

emma stone. i so would

that'll do pig

HOMETOWN HERO

quality

haha. Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHA

i mean.... this shit happens in movies i swear.

so like...why did you do that? and then immediatley follow with that?

i mean i dont know what to think. On one hand, i have no right to be angry. we're not together or anything. theres absolutely no commitment on either side. College is supposed to be fun right? do what you will, its one thing that i should absolutely never care about. i just think its funny that he has the SAME NAME

but on the other hand.... i mean, honesty is great... but why that? why then? what were you hoping to accomplish, other then to lead me on? i mean, they say your a drama queen. and i still dont believe it. i still defend you whenever. but....come on. really. Really?

i'm bummed that you didnt answer your phone. or computer. or phone again. i, actually legitimately wanted to talk to you. cause as apparent by this post, i'd feel i'd be better at voicing my opinions then writing them. and besides, You dont even read this. nobody does. we should talk. but hey, if i were in your situation, i wouldnt really want to talk to me either.

(still searching for the hidden cameras....)

hahahaha. and shit just KEEPS hitting the fan.

Great

21st St.

Well somewhere between marching band and sailing

i started thinking of the answers to questions

'cause girl I've just got so many questions

"was it all my fault, did i love Her too much?

was I too far away did I not try enough?"

no it's not your fault i think you loved Her just fine

but I was far away but lord knows I TRIED

so I closed my eyes and I sang real loud

and out came a beautiful chorus

so that when we're together holding hands

(NO ONE IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD COULD STOP US)

and I want to thank You

for each night that i did not sleep

waiting for you to text me

they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

and gives you hope to hold on longer

I'm not blaming Santa Monica

on this one anymore.....

statuses,blogs, and song lyrics

i hope you know that they all have you in mind

theyre supposed to hurt

but you dont even notice.

(what else is new)

every MHT song was written about you, i swear to god. listen to the words already

I Gave her My Heart, She Gave Me False Hope and Intentions

WOW has it been awhile. Song lyrics. little effort, says everything though

I've been watching I've been watching who you're talkin to

and im sure youve been doing things you shouldn't do

No i wont call you i wont call you, on all your lies

cause they come to me, come to me with NO surprise

what You need is to feel alive

and all I need is to get you bye

I know who you've been talkin about,

and all those things that you do with anybody who will listen to you

and I'm done, with all of these games because these games that we play

only end up causing me pain.

oh SUCH pain

well,

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song

well ive been drinkin ive been thinkin about you girl

and i know its too late to be callin girl

your probably out with all your LITTLE BOYS

but that doesnt mean my girls cant make a little noise

what You need is to feel alive

and all I need is to get you bye

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song

so why dont you just GO

somewhere we dont know

no You're never gonna see this face again, no You're never gonna see this face again

I ASSURE YOU

Hey Love, are you out there? are You listening, to my songs? (No you're never gonna see this face again, You're never gonna see this face again, i ASSURE YOU)

I know who you've been talkin about,

and all those things that you do with anybody who will listen to you

and I'm done, with all of these games because these games that we play

only end up causing me pain

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song!

My Hidden Track:

I Gave Her My Heart, She Gave Me A Pen

come to california soon. thank you

but on the other hand....

i saw you!

already.

you made my day. even though you payed more attention to the rubix cube then anything, or anybody else.

i want to see you more. im selfish.

the weekend is young, friend.

<3

well then....

"Thanks for the laughs I guess, because that’s all you gave me, and I know I gave you a lot more than that."

i'm going to have to respectfully disagree.

the first part, that is.

all i gave you was a shoulder to cry on. a companion when you needed it. a best friend. (your words.)

all summer? really? i mean, i guess you could discount that, if desired. its not like i listened to everything you ever told me. it's not like i helped you, or at least tried to help you through all the shit you piled onto me.

im sorry that i have my own set of issues to deal with right now. im sorry that i barely have MY LIFE together as it is right now.

i wish i could tell you what goes through my head. like what really affects me. but i tried that once. i wont forget that either. needless to say, it went rather poorly.

honesty is the best policy. well, hey. tried that too. when i didnt want to skype with you because it was late and i was tired. ya. you went ahead and wrote an angry blog. aboout me. swell.

sorry that my idea of fun isnt sitting in a computer room while laying around watching 2 sets of cuddlers and a rubix cube. sorry that i wanted to see one my best friends, who i wasnt able to talk to much at "our" lunch. sorry that im trying to reconnect with the girl that you HATE. (and i quote..."i dont hate anybody")

despite what you think, not everything i do is to spite you, or to make you upset, or to go out and get you. im never thinking in my mind "boy, what can i do to piss her off tonight?"

i dont know why you hold me to a higher standard then the rest. if scott had done this to you...oh wait. he did. i dont see you ending your friendship with him for the umpteenth time.

i guess school really will be a bitch. i'll be sitting in the corners of both classrooms, in my usual seat.

seeing is believing, or so they say

i read your blog

and yours

and yours

and yes, even yours. 

i dont know what to say anymore. 

i feel like YOU expect too much out of me. i wanna be there. i wanna be your friend. but the truth is, i dont have a whole lot to offer. to be honest, i dont really know what you see in me.  i dont believe i can be what your looking for. which sucks. because you deserve so much better.

YOU make my day. everyday. i want you to be mine. i want that DAMNED letter from you. 

i love you so much. 

and to YOU, im sorry that it's come to this. i never thought things would change so drastically between us. its not you, i promise. you catch me at all the wrong times. and my memorys going to shit. 

and the answer is yes, i'm still wearing mine :)

and you. key word is distance. distance doesnt matter in the blogosphere. i can still read. and when spit daggers the way you do your still just as close to me as the computer screen. it hurts as if your right here too. its hard to respond and attempt to fix things when theres, well, no response from the other end. 

your not a whore

your amazing

your so sweet. still

and your....  ya

how many strikes now?

careful. or i just might take my base.

Cheap Monday

im doing my best dylan pelly impersonation with the shirt i've got on right now. i just attempted to play Madden 08 on my outdated ps2 in preparation for monday night football..... just how sad can i get? 

whats even sadder is that i just threw my controller against the wall in frustation because it wasnt working. im sure its working now though. nothing like a high-speed collision for the ultimate repair job. 

theres things i could probably be doing right now. 

i could be filling up the car with gas for tommorow. 

i could be rehearsing for my first scene thats due on monday

i could be fixing any one of many relationships that i feel are damaged in one way or another, either from recently or the distant past.

i could be spending my time thinking of my two thesis' for my paper tommorow

(was that apostrophe right rachel?)

i could go over to that dhehs house and pick up that drumset and practice practice practice until im as good as ive always wanted to be at an instrument.

or i could just pick up one of the 3 guitars next to me, and practice that.

is it bad that all i ever want people to do is "call me" or "go to lunch with me" or "catch up" or "hang out" ??

i hate days like right now. sitting in my room. feeling sorry for myself. being lazy. blogging. 

oh GOD

IM BLOGGING. GROSSSSSS

im judging myself. hard. 

im gonna go buy a new controller now.....

kanye's a doucher

fried oreo

spicy monster polish sausage

pulled pork sandwich

hot dog on a stick

chocolate pudding

funnel cake

im so disappointed in myself. so is my digestive system.

i miss people. alot.

today was my first day driving.  its truly empowering. i love it. 

today i saw the most people i have since summer: suz scott jill jamee mck spence leo russy steph kendall addie charlie dylan kiyan linnea ryan allison sarah shannon.

i love my friends. truly. i love the wide array, how no two are alike. how some are more just "acquaintences" then friends.

(i thought i'd be going somewhere with this.... but im too tired and exausted to elaborate and offer a full, valid, blog-worthy explanation. but no dice.)

today i assisted in getting adeline, kendall, charlie and steph drunk. i spent a considerable part of my night with them. it's amazing seeing just what kind of drunks certain people are.... some you can read and others youd have no idea. i guessed how steph would be SPOT ON. addie acted as i expected her to, being a little dumb bitch(hahaa). Kendall was the sad, depressed, crying drunk...fair enough though. although most would THINK that becoming intoxicated shortly after a brutal, unexpected breakup would solve things, it usually doesnt pan out that way. Charlie: ahhta girl. she had fun. a little loud, but she had a good time.

^  and all of this on a day of remembrence. sorry to inform you, but SMC failed to provide for us popsicles and a jumpee. 

i saw people at the 9/11 memorial downtown. it made me think. 

that is all. 

oh, and that spot? behind the english rooms between the baseball field? not original. it's been done. 12:20 has taken on a new meaning?

Do it

judge. 

i got a blog. wut of et?

i probably wont tell many people about this. 

they'd get annoyed by my double spaced posts and fondness for ellipses....

im not as stupid as people think. this will probably disprove my argument however. 

("this" being the blog)

im not a strong writer. english was never my favorite class. 

my best year of english was the year i had an adulteress for an educator..12:20 anyone?

i cling to things. always. i overanalyze to a fault. i always think im right. i insult people constantly. i refuse to be wrong. i think i could be a standup comedian (insert pity laugh here) im still convinced im going to be an actor. have been since Dad showed me Star Wars for the first time. 

i so would princess Leia... but she couldnt hold a candle to Queen Amidala.

i got shit done today. go me. 

for once.