haha. Hahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHA

i mean.... this shit happens in movies i swear.

so like...why did you do that? and then immediatley follow with that?

i mean i dont know what to think. On one hand, i have no right to be angry. we're not together or anything. theres absolutely no commitment on either side. College is supposed to be fun right? do what you will, its one thing that i should absolutely never care about. i just think its funny that he has the SAME NAME

but on the other hand.... i mean, honesty is great... but why that? why then? what were you hoping to accomplish, other then to lead me on? i mean, they say your a drama queen. and i still dont believe it. i still defend you whenever. but....come on. really. Really?

i'm bummed that you didnt answer your phone. or computer. or phone again. i, actually legitimately wanted to talk to you. cause as apparent by this post, i'd feel i'd be better at voicing my opinions then writing them. and besides, You dont even read this. nobody does. we should talk. but hey, if i were in your situation, i wouldnt really want to talk to me either.

(still searching for the hidden cameras....)

hahahaha. and shit just KEEPS hitting the fan.

Great

21st St.

Well somewhere between marching band and sailing

i started thinking of the answers to questions

'cause girl I've just got so many questions

"was it all my fault, did i love Her too much?

was I too far away did I not try enough?"

no it's not your fault i think you loved Her just fine

but I was far away but lord knows I TRIED

so I closed my eyes and I sang real loud

and out came a beautiful chorus

so that when we're together holding hands

(NO ONE IN THIS WHOLE WIDE WORLD COULD STOP US)

and I want to thank You

for each night that i did not sleep

waiting for you to text me

they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

and gives you hope to hold on longer

I'm not blaming Santa Monica

on this one anymore.....

statuses,blogs, and song lyrics

i hope you know that they all have you in mind

theyre supposed to hurt

but you dont even notice.

(what else is new)

every MHT song was written about you, i swear to god. listen to the words already

I Gave her My Heart, She Gave Me False Hope and Intentions

WOW has it been awhile. Song lyrics. little effort, says everything though

I've been watching I've been watching who you're talkin to

and im sure youve been doing things you shouldn't do

No i wont call you i wont call you, on all your lies

cause they come to me, come to me with NO surprise

what You need is to feel alive

and all I need is to get you bye

I know who you've been talkin about,

and all those things that you do with anybody who will listen to you

and I'm done, with all of these games because these games that we play

only end up causing me pain.

oh SUCH pain

well,

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song

well ive been drinkin ive been thinkin about you girl

and i know its too late to be callin girl

your probably out with all your LITTLE BOYS

but that doesnt mean my girls cant make a little noise

what You need is to feel alive

and all I need is to get you bye

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song

so why dont you just GO

somewhere we dont know

no You're never gonna see this face again, no You're never gonna see this face again

I ASSURE YOU

Hey Love, are you out there? are You listening, to my songs? (No you're never gonna see this face again, You're never gonna see this face again, i ASSURE YOU)

I know who you've been talkin about,

and all those things that you do with anybody who will listen to you

and I'm done, with all of these games because these games that we play

only end up causing me pain

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song

you got me, got me ALL WRONG

you got me, got me till the end of this song!

My Hidden Track:

I Gave Her My Heart, She Gave Me A Pen

come to california soon. thank you

but on the other hand....

i saw you!

already.

you made my day. even though you payed more attention to the rubix cube then anything, or anybody else.

i want to see you more. im selfish.

the weekend is young, friend.

<3

well then....

"Thanks for the laughs I guess, because that’s all you gave me, and I know I gave you a lot more than that."

i'm going to have to respectfully disagree.

the first part, that is.

all i gave you was a shoulder to cry on. a companion when you needed it. a best friend. (your words.)

all summer? really? i mean, i guess you could discount that, if desired. its not like i listened to everything you ever told me. it's not like i helped you, or at least tried to help you through all the shit you piled onto me.

im sorry that i have my own set of issues to deal with right now. im sorry that i barely have MY LIFE together as it is right now.

i wish i could tell you what goes through my head. like what really affects me. but i tried that once. i wont forget that either. needless to say, it went rather poorly.

honesty is the best policy. well, hey. tried that too. when i didnt want to skype with you because it was late and i was tired. ya. you went ahead and wrote an angry blog. aboout me. swell.

sorry that my idea of fun isnt sitting in a computer room while laying around watching 2 sets of cuddlers and a rubix cube. sorry that i wanted to see one my best friends, who i wasnt able to talk to much at "our" lunch. sorry that im trying to reconnect with the girl that you HATE. (and i quote..."i dont hate anybody")

despite what you think, not everything i do is to spite you, or to make you upset, or to go out and get you. im never thinking in my mind "boy, what can i do to piss her off tonight?"

i dont know why you hold me to a higher standard then the rest. if scott had done this to you...oh wait. he did. i dont see you ending your friendship with him for the umpteenth time.

i guess school really will be a bitch. i'll be sitting in the corners of both classrooms, in my usual seat.

seeing is believing, or so they say

i read your blog

and yours

and yours

and yes, even yours. 

i dont know what to say anymore. 

i feel like YOU expect too much out of me. i wanna be there. i wanna be your friend. but the truth is, i dont have a whole lot to offer. to be honest, i dont really know what you see in me.  i dont believe i can be what your looking for. which sucks. because you deserve so much better.

YOU make my day. everyday. i want you to be mine. i want that DAMNED letter from you. 

i love you so much. 

and to YOU, im sorry that it's come to this. i never thought things would change so drastically between us. its not you, i promise. you catch me at all the wrong times. and my memorys going to shit. 

and the answer is yes, i'm still wearing mine :)

and you. key word is distance. distance doesnt matter in the blogosphere. i can still read. and when spit daggers the way you do your still just as close to me as the computer screen. it hurts as if your right here too. its hard to respond and attempt to fix things when theres, well, no response from the other end. 

your not a whore

your amazing

your so sweet. still

and your....  ya

how many strikes now?

careful. or i just might take my base.

Cheap Monday

im doing my best dylan pelly impersonation with the shirt i've got on right now. i just attempted to play Madden 08 on my outdated ps2 in preparation for monday night football..... just how sad can i get? 

whats even sadder is that i just threw my controller against the wall in frustation because it wasnt working. im sure its working now though. nothing like a high-speed collision for the ultimate repair job. 

theres things i could probably be doing right now. 

i could be filling up the car with gas for tommorow. 

i could be rehearsing for my first scene thats due on monday

i could be fixing any one of many relationships that i feel are damaged in one way or another, either from recently or the distant past.

i could be spending my time thinking of my two thesis' for my paper tommorow

(was that apostrophe right rachel?)

i could go over to that dhehs house and pick up that drumset and practice practice practice until im as good as ive always wanted to be at an instrument.

or i could just pick up one of the 3 guitars next to me, and practice that.

is it bad that all i ever want people to do is "call me" or "go to lunch with me" or "catch up" or "hang out" ??

i hate days like right now. sitting in my room. feeling sorry for myself. being lazy. blogging. 

oh GOD

IM BLOGGING. GROSSSSSS

im judging myself. hard. 

im gonna go buy a new controller now.....

kanye's a doucher

fried oreo

spicy monster polish sausage

pulled pork sandwich

hot dog on a stick

chocolate pudding

funnel cake

im so disappointed in myself. so is my digestive system.

i miss people. alot.

today was my first day driving.  its truly empowering. i love it. 

today i saw the most people i have since summer: suz scott jill jamee mck spence leo russy steph kendall addie charlie dylan kiyan linnea ryan allison sarah shannon.

i love my friends. truly. i love the wide array, how no two are alike. how some are more just "acquaintences" then friends.

(i thought i'd be going somewhere with this.... but im too tired and exausted to elaborate and offer a full, valid, blog-worthy explanation. but no dice.)

today i assisted in getting adeline, kendall, charlie and steph drunk. i spent a considerable part of my night with them. it's amazing seeing just what kind of drunks certain people are.... some you can read and others youd have no idea. i guessed how steph would be SPOT ON. addie acted as i expected her to, being a little dumb bitch(hahaa). Kendall was the sad, depressed, crying drunk...fair enough though. although most would THINK that becoming intoxicated shortly after a brutal, unexpected breakup would solve things, it usually doesnt pan out that way. Charlie: ahhta girl. she had fun. a little loud, but she had a good time.

^  and all of this on a day of remembrence. sorry to inform you, but SMC failed to provide for us popsicles and a jumpee. 

i saw people at the 9/11 memorial downtown. it made me think. 

that is all. 

oh, and that spot? behind the english rooms between the baseball field? not original. it's been done. 12:20 has taken on a new meaning?

Do it

judge. 

i got a blog. wut of et?

i probably wont tell many people about this. 

they'd get annoyed by my double spaced posts and fondness for ellipses....

im not as stupid as people think. this will probably disprove my argument however. 

("this" being the blog)

im not a strong writer. english was never my favorite class. 

my best year of english was the year i had an adulteress for an educator..12:20 anyone?

i cling to things. always. i overanalyze to a fault. i always think im right. i insult people constantly. i refuse to be wrong. i think i could be a standup comedian (insert pity laugh here) im still convinced im going to be an actor. have been since Dad showed me Star Wars for the first time. 

i so would princess Leia... but she couldnt hold a candle to Queen Amidala.

i got shit done today. go me. 

for once.